April 7th, 2013

So you go to church…

by Dena

People wonder what they can do to prevent child abuse. If you go to church, here are a few ideas and links. If we are called to serve and take care of the children of the world, why don’t we start here?

Blue Sunday is one way that Christians unite to in an effort to help prevent child abuse.  This link opens to a pdf that has ideas, prayers, and handouts. The date is April 28 for this year. Hand out blue ribbons, say a prayer for the kids in care, and for the workers who somehow deal with horrific situations that are beyond what many of us can imagine.

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If you live in Texas, here is a link to the Faith Based Program for foster care. They have a handout as well. Here is a snippet of info that I copied from that site:

Prior to 1875 the faith community was the institution that dealt with the mistreatment of children. We would like for the faith community to get involved again with the mission of helping abused and neglected children.

Child Protective Services (CPS) needs foster parents for children of all races and ethnicities, ages newborn through 17. CPS also is seeking adoptive families for a wide range of children with a special emphasis on older children and sibling groups.

The state of Texas is asking for your help. We understand that as an agency we can not care for all the children in the state alone. Sometimes it takes a congregation to raise a child.

So when people ask what you can do for children, this is a start. Make people aware. Pray for the kids, workers, and foster parents. Become a foster parent, even if just to do respite care. Help people understand the signs to look for in cases of child abuse/neglect.  Volunteer in Rainbow Rooms, as a CASA worker, or in many other areas. Share this post or this Youtube video.

I realized how little we do as people of faith after an incident a few years ago involving a friend and her daughter. My friend’s daughter was going to testify against the perpetrator who had molested her. Do you know who had a prayer service in her yard the night before? Who packed the courtroom? Not the church folks. It was a group of bikers called BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse).  I’m so thankful that this group of people that we sometimes judge was able to take the place of Christians who were too busy/turned their head/didn’t care/insert good reason.

This is one way to start helping. The links above have lots of information and ways to help.

JAmes

April 4th, 2013

Facts don’t lie.

by Dena

I’ve been writing about April and Child Abuse Prevention. Here are a few facts about child abuse in Texas.

Four children die each week in Texas from child abuse/neglect. There were 212 children who lost their lives in 2012 in Texas due to some form of abuse or neglect. The five  major metropolitan areas make up for almost 64% of the cases. Parents, usually female, are the primary abusers.

Neglectful supervision is the most overwhelming cause of abuse in our state, with a high ranking 66%. This is where drugs play into this. Meth and kids don’t mix. Period.  Physical abuse is next at 16%, sexual abuse with sickening 8%, and physical neglect with 6%.

These numbers just don’t add up.

These are confirmed cases, not just the  reports. There were over 7 million intake reports. Seven Million.

So how does society stop it? I wish I knew the answer to this. First, I believe people must be aware of the statistics in  their own area. People tend to filter the ugliness of the world. Who wants to hear about kids being pulled from a meth lab? Starving in a crib? Nobody. But it is happening and as long as we turn a blind eye it will increase. Child abuse fatalities have increased 122% since 1997.

Again, how do we stop it?

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April 3rd, 2013

One too many.

by Dena

Today there was a balloon release in our small town to observe Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month.

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Our county isn’t huge, but we had almost 300 balloons to represent the children who had been abused or neglected in our county during the past year.

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I didn’t think they would ever stop being pulled out of the bus it took to bring them.

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Then there was one. One white balloon in the midst of the sea of blue that was pouring out the bus. Somehow, I was holding the bunch of balloons that held this one. It stood for the child who died from abuse in our county. The bitter wind cut into each of us who let go of the balloons and quickly filled the skies. I didn’t want to let go. There shouldn’t be this one. There never should be.

Go Blue These ceremonies take place so  we don’t have that one  loss. It was one too many this year. Any death from child abuse of neglect is one too many.

April 1st, 2013

Love is not enough.

by Dena

I’m going to make a bold statement about parenting. Love is not enough. Agree or disagree?

April is National Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month. I work to promote this each year, and some people  think it was the fact that we adopted from foster care that drove me to volunteer in this area. While it was  factor, it was really just that final piece of the puzzle for me to get started working. I’ve worked in public education for 25 years and it was my first year of teaching that opened my eyes to a world for which I was unprepared. I don’t think I’ve had a year pass by that there hasn’t been at least one situation that completely gnaws at my heart.

It was the process of the adoption that shed light on the facts and figures of child abuse. I’m all about charts and graphs and data but this is pretty scary.  Neglect is a unforgiving abuse. It changes the patterns of the brain. Once I realized that I see this each day at work, I felt that I had to get moving to help people realize that this parenting  gig is only temporary and they better get it right the first time.

*Two disclaimers here:

  1. I am not, nor do I claim to be a perfect parent. FAR FROM IT.  But, I’m here, sober, straight, and sacrificing each day.
  2. This article is not about sexual predators or the people with severe mental health issues who might microwave their baby or other nonsene. I can’t expect these people to change.

I have to admit that it seems that the odds are not in the favor of young people today. My husband says that society accepts mediocre parenting and if you can keep a child alive then you are acceptable. It seems to be true. Funding continues to be cut to Child Protective Services. Laws are made that do NOT protect children. Money is more precious than lives.  Each year when this month rolls around, I wonder what good any of this REALLY does.

Then, I stand at the balloon release. We let go the number of balloons for children served identified as abused in our county during the last year. They are blue, except for the white ones. They stand for the children who died. A grandmother who lost her grandchild to abuse began this Blue Ribbon campaign in the hopes of other children never having to die a senseless death.  I’ve seen children go from a life or death situation to thriving almost overnight when the proper interventions are taken.  I’ve seen miracles.

I’ve never ever seen an abusive parent say they hated their child. Parents love their children, even the worst of the worst. I guess they love them as much as they can. But love isn’t enough. It takes work and sacrifice to raise a child. It takes the time and it takes putting the children first. It takes walking away from your demons (if you have any) and working on making yourself the best you can be. Being a parent is more than love.

The April Campaign has two parts: Prevention and Awareness.

How does one prevent child abuse? Studies show that community involvement has a huge impact on struggling families. Sometimes programs that hand out information when a baby is born, such as shaken baby syndrome and gives a swaddling blanket. Information and involvement are keys to helping prevent child abuse. Of course, there is much much more, but these are the highlights.

Then there is Awareness. Teachers and medical professionals are key reporters and we must be aware of the signs and diligent to report.  As a society we need to be aware of the changes in child protection laws and strive for higher expectations. It takes churches, civic organizations, and families to protect today’s children.

I once had a student who lived in an abusive situation for many years. When it was finally reported she was removed, but never recovered from the fact that everyone turned a blind eye to her neglect and abuse. She asked me once, “Why wouldn’t anyone help me?”  I don’t want to have to answer to that someday.

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Love and keeping a child alive is NOT enough.

March 2nd, 2013

Still Your Birthday

by Dena

We make a big deal of birthdays in our family. My grandfather’s birthday is tomorrow, and even though he has passed on, we still think of him on this day.  His birthdays were always pretty eventful.

My grandmother always made him a special cake. It was from scratch and she would send him to the store at least 5 times that day for ingredients.  The first year after she passed we were trying to have a sad little party and a NOTSONICE lady who had been friends with my uncle in years past knocked on the door. My aunt punched her and that became the best birthday party EVER in our family.

My grandfather developed Alzheimer’s and hated that he couldn’t do what he loved most: be outside. He loved to fish, hunt, and even just watch the birds and squirrels at the feeders he had placed around his yard. His last birthday was to be celebrated with  funfetti with sprinkle cupcakes, made by me. He hated chocolate. But he died soon after he feel asleep on the night before his birthday.

So, tomorrow, we will have some cake (not chocolate) and think of all the funny things he did and said.

Happy Birthday PawPaw.

February 3rd, 2013

Our Clydesdale Story

by Dena

RVW 028 The SuperBowl commercial where the man raises the baby Clydesdale and people cry…we’ve lived it. Only it was a cow and we didn’t sell it to a famous beer company.

Being raised in small town rural in Arkansas with family who raised cattle, we’ve seen a lot of things. We’ve helped deliver baby calves who were a little stuck, bottle fed the ones who lost their mama, and had a few as pets along the way. One of my personal favorites was Snowy.

Snowy was born one frigid winter night about 25 years ago. It was the middle of an ice storm when her mama went into labor, down in the creek, of course. I was lucky enough to avoid the birth itself, but was home when they drove up right to the door and called for me to come help. They had a tiny little solid white calf in the back seat of the Ford Granada. (we were stylin’)

We took the calf in the house and made a little place in the entrance hall with newspapers, space heaters and old blankets. We really didn’t expect her to make it. We slowly dried her with the hair dryer, because her little hooves had been frozen to the ground. The Mama cow had been so traumatized in the creek that night and she refused to nurse and we were left with a sickly baby calf. It wasn’t the first time but this calf was different.

Dad milked the cow and brought  some colostrum and the bottle feeding began. Joy was little and she did the majority of the feedings. She loved having a big dog like creature in the house for a few days. Once Snowy was able to leave, we moved her to the barn. We continued the bottle feedings and Joy would slip her cookies, breads, and cakes as she could. Snowy grew to look forward to seeing Joy and getting a treat.

Once the spring weather came, Snowy was out and about in our yard. She played like the dogs that we had in our family. She would run and chase and loved to be chased. She spent the first six months of her life thinking she was a dog. Joy continued to love her and feed her sweet treats daily. We had lots of fun with that crazy calf.

The one drawback to this situation was that Snowy acted like a dog. She ran to everyone and nuzzled with excitement. This was cute unless she knocked you down or decided to chase you around the yard. It was a pretty funny sight to watch her chase people, especially our mom. She loved to chase Mom most of all, running her around the trees almost every day.  She also would fight you to get to any groceries before you could get them in  the house. More than once she ripped a bag of groceries from my hand and ran with them. (Mom hated this the most)  She even found that trash cans sometimes held a surprise or two and they weren’t safe with her around. After about a year,  Mom had had enough. She had to go to the pasture with the rest of the cows.

It was sad but we saw her often. When Snowy heard Joy’s voice as we drove up, she would run as fast as she could to the truck. Joy still took treats and Snowy still at them. Girl Scout cookies were a favorite.

Years passed and Joy grew up and into various activities. No matter how much time passed, Snowy still recognized her voice. Sometimes she would think I was Joy and be really disappointed when she got close enough to see that it was me. She forgave me if I had a treat.

I told my students about Snowy one day when we were working on writing assignments. They couldn’t imagine a cow as a pet. They wanted to know more about her and if I still saw her. What happened with Snowy?

Snowy went on to have several calves of her own. Joy graduated and moved away to college but Mom and Dad still treated her often. One day Dad called us and told us that if we wanted to go say goodbye to her, it needed to be soon. Joy had  spotted it a while back but it had progressed quickly. She had cancer and there was nothing to be done.

Growing up on a farm you wouldn’t think you would cry over a cow, but we all did. I felt a little silly going to say goodbye to a  cow but I did and gave her a whole box of cookies. We all said our farewells to her and the weekend came for Dad to load her up and take her away.  When they drove up, she was not anywhere in the pasture. No amount of calling or honking brought her out. Assuming she had already passed on, they left. A few days later, Dad drove up and Snowy wandered out of the woods. I guess it wasn’t her time before but this day it was. We spent that weekend crying over Snowy.

She came and went on her own time. I don’t have any pictures of her with me that I can scan, but have some of Dad’s other pets. The one he is bottle feeding is his latest baby, Ellie Mae. It’s several years old now and still a huge baby. People were afraid he would be feeding her a bottle when she had her own calf, if he ever allowed that to happen.

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rvw6 And, as close as we get to Clydesdales….

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I guess that’s why we found the commercial extra touching. I wonder if most people with livestock do.