The roundtable discussion is about how you deal with rude or awkward questions in the adoption world. We are on the adoptive parent side and yes, we hear stupid questions. Normally, I try to answer a vague answer and change the subject. Often we only share our open adoption details with other people involved in adoption because they seem to understand. I’ll just say that the rule of thumb in asking questions is, if it seems the least bit personal, deals with why, who, or was there….then don’t ask it. I don’t ask why your ex left you, who your dad was cheating with, or was there any truth to the fact that you got pregnant in the back seat of a car on prom night.  Those are rude questions and I would hate for you to provoke me into asking them.

I think that people forget that real people are involved in adoption, with the children being the most important. The birth family has feelings as well and that family includes grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins along with the parents. I have never met a birth family who did NOT love and adore the child who was placed for adoption. Never once. They have suffered a loss and they grieve  that loss.

Speaking of loss, we are feeling it now. Boo’s grandfather is dying. We have had an open adoption with him pretty much from the start.  This is the thing that I hate telling people because it opens up so many questions from people. But now he is at the end and it really is painful. The call tonight was the one that says we probably have time for one more visit.

So, the roundtable question…..I wonder how I will handle questions about this. I hope well enough that people see that adoption can be open and hopefully, it benefits those involved.  Hopefully in a way that help Boo deal with this loss.  Hopefully, I won’t have scared anyone away who knows Boo from checking on her and asking how she is handling this, or giving advice.

On the eve of his 22nd birthday, brother is ready to fly the coop. While it is good to see him making plans I’m thinking of my nest (secretly of course, in the back of my mind)

Enough about that. He’s twenty-two today. Is it odd that twenty-two was a spelling word this week? It was the only number listed. Yes, it is odd. Now for pictures of the birthday boy. He is strikingly handsome, so beware.

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I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost

Within the last two years, I have very slowly lost about 50 pounds.  I’m doing anything drastic, just trying to control my portions, get a little cardio when I can, and not punish myself or  feel guilty if I eat a decent tasting meal now and then.  So it hasn’t been a “she was fat then BAM she’s thin” process.  It’s really only been recently that people are like wow, you seem thinner. 

Mom saw me a couple of months ago when she was in the hospital.  I was the exact same weight I am now.  I’ve hit a plateau and have stayed stable, and honestly I’m not ready to start eating lettuce and working out like a maniac obsessive lesbian trainer  to get past it.  (I’m looking at you over there Jillian Micheals, I see you judging me for eating a Dorito every now and then) I’m going to blame all the drugs she was on at the hospital for the fact that somehow, she doesn’t remember me being the EXACT same size.  My only explanation is that even though the pounds were gone, maybe I was still puffy and didn’t look thinner, and now the fat cells have finally shrunk to where I don’t look like quite as cow-ish.  Hey I was way fat, I can say cow-ish.

So flash forward to Christmas day, and remember I am the same size.  And let me also take this opportunity to tell that according to the BMI chart, I’m still 30 lbs overweight.  3-0.  And 30 lbs will just get me to the VERY top of the healthy range.  Hell I did a little jig at being out of the obese range.  Not too big of a jig though being that I am still overweight and don’t want to hurt myself.  Jigging makes me out of breath, which is like kryptonite to a fatty.

We spend all day with mom, it goes great, nothing of note happens.  Then later in the evening, Dena calls mom on speakerphone.  Dena neglects to tell mom that she is on speakerphone, and the call goes something like this:

Dena:  Hey what are you doing?

Mom:  Nothing.  *dramatic sigh* Joy looks terrible.

Dena:  Mom……..

Mom:  She does Dena.  She looks so thin and pale, I’m scared she’s going to become anorexic or something.

Dena:  Mom………..

Mom:  I’m just worried sick about her…

Dena:  Mom, you’re on speakerphone and she can hear every word you’re saying.

Mom: *pause*  well you DO look awful Joy.

And so I went on to explain that I have more weight to lose, and she argued that I’m just insane and she doesn’t believe in any chart on the wall at the doctor’s office because, “who knows who even WROTE THAT JOY!!!”  I pointed out to Dena that I was way thinner than this in high school and Mom never said a word about it.  Dena replied, “yeah she thought you looked sick then too.”  Good to know.  But rest assured I am in no way going to ever be too thin, and just to make sure I made cinnamon roll pancakes again this weekend. 

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My Wish – Rascal Flatts

Christmas was fantastic. We had a Christmas Eve dinner of chicken and spaghetti, salad and green bean casserole, followed by New York Cheesecake.

Christmas morning was our usual breakfast of breakfast casserole, cinnamon rolls, fruit and non alcoholic mimosas.

We just add sparkling grape juice to orange juice.

Then we dive into the gifts. I’ll be honest, by the time Christmas gets here I can’t remember some of the things I have under the tree. It always works out though.

Then we  laid around and watched Christmas movies while the chicken and dressing cooked in the crock pot and the ham baked in the oven in anticipation of the afternoon crowd.

Finally, everyone starting trickling in at about the time all the food was ready. We ate and then pulled out the desserts. We had too many. There was leftover cheesecake, sweet potato pie, raisin pie, sugar free lemon pie, buckeyes, and an Elvis cake that I got off Pinterest.

We also dressed the dogs like Santa.

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And put them in stockings.

All in all, a very good day and good weekend. Now to dismantle the house and get all of this back in the attic. The only negative to the whole weekend is that I seem to have a cracked tooth. That doesn’t pair well with my fear of the dentist but we shall see how it all plays out today.

]]> http://www.redvelvetwisdom.com/2011/12/26/everyone-was-sleeping/feed/ 0 http://www.redvelvetwisdom.com/2011/11/24/happy-down-home-thanksgiving/ http://www.redvelvetwisdom.com/2011/11/24/happy-down-home-thanksgiving/#comments Thu, 24 Nov 2011 18:21:21 +0000 Dena http://www.redvelvetwisdom.com/?p=3045 Today’s Thanksgiving is both good and bad. The good can’t wait til the end….Mom is here and cooking! This is awesome because just a scant few months ago she was told some terrible test results, only to fall and break her shoulder, then to develop an ulcer, then to find out the test results were pretty much wrong.

So, she is here and going not so strong, but cracking the whip on the Thanksgiving menu. My plan was a simple dinner with three sides. Hers:
Turkey (drenched in butter)
Ham
Dressing
Greens
Turnips
Sweet potatoes
Relish Tray
Baked Beans
Sweet Potato Pies
BRead Pudding (from Baby Granny)
Grape Salad
Rolls
Cornbread

It’s a down home soul food Thanksgiving. All items pretty much include bacon in some form or fashion.

Now the bad news.
Boo has been sick. FOUR dr. visits later confirm mono. Again.

Also, Joy and Gavin aren’t able to make it this year. We MISS THEM and their new baby, Ewok. Our brother, Chad, and his wife and family are traveling as well. We are a small but hungry group this year!

But, we are thankful and happy to be eating the best dressing known to this area. None beat it.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

• Pancake mix
• at least two eggs–for the pancake mix
• milk–1 Tbsp for the cinnamon sauce and as much as you need for your pancake mixture
• 1/2 c. brown sugar
• 1 Tbsp cinnamon (the original recipe didn’t use this much, and she’s wrong
• 1 Tbsp melted butter

For the frosting:

• 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar
• 1 Tbsp melted butter
• 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 Tbsp milk

Mix your pancake mix according to the directions on the box or according to however you like it.  In a squeeze bottle, mix cinnamon, brown sugar, melted butter, and 1 Tbsp of milk.  Shake it together well.  If it’s too thick, add a little more milk.  I used one of those cheap squeeze bottles from the grocery store.

Pour your batter onto your pan or skillet, and immediately swirl on the cinnamon sauce.

smiley face was not intentional

Now every instruction you will ever see will say wait until it’s bubbly to flip it.  I use my spatula to peek under and as soon as it’s brown I flip it.  And when it’s cooked it will look like this:

Then once you’ve stacked at many as you want (you can’t eat more than two big ones so don’t even try) pour the glaze on it.     The glaze firms up very quickly so use it right when it’s nice and able to be poured out over your pancakes.  However if it gets too cold to pour for some reason just nuke it for 10 seconds and you should be good to go.Then enjoy the meal and the sugar coma to follow.

• 6-7 granny smith apples, peeled and thinly sliced
• 2/3 cup of sugar
• 1/3 cup of brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon of cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon of salt
• 1  1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup of water
• 1 can of 8 flaky layer biscuits, NOT the grand size
• 2 tablespoons of room temperature butter
• lemon juice

ok you don't have to use this brand but use the small size.

Slice your apples, adding dashes of lemon juice as you slice so they don’t get brown.  Then in a large bowl, mix everything but the biscuits and butter.  I just go ahead and use my hands to mix it all together well.  Place the apple mixture in a 13×9 inch baking dish that has been sprayed with non-stick spray.  Then slice the butter into several  pats and place them on top of the apple mixture.

Ok, now you’re going to take the biscuits and pull them apart.  Each biscuit pulls into about three layers but if some just do two that’s ok.  Layer them over the top of the apple mixture, and then sprinkle a little more sugar and cinnamon on top. 

Then place it in a 375 degree oven and bake for 30-35 minutes until it is golden brown.  If you can wait about 10 minutes before serving.  The apple mixture will create a delicious carmel-like sauce in the bottom of the pan that can be poured over the cobbler when served.  My only regret is that I didn’t have the brains to stop and get some vanilla ice cream to serve it with.

Try not to eat the whole thing by yourself. But if you do I won't judge.

So that is how I came to make a really good lasagna using GASP! a jar of spaghetti sauce.  You will need:

• 1 lb of ground beef, 80/20 works really well or you can go leaner if you like
• 1 lb of Italian sausage (Jimmy Dean makes a GREAT Italian sausage and you can find it next to the breakfast stuff)
• 1 large onion chopped
• 12 oz of lasagna noodles, regular or oven ready
• 46 oz jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce
• 32 oz ricotta cheese
• 16 oz of mozarella
• 5 oz of grated parmesan
• 2 1/2 cups of shredded Italian cheese mix
• salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder
• hot sauce

In a Dutch oven, brown beef and sausage.  Add 1/2 cup of water to make it easier to ensure that the meats break up nicely.  I despise meat sauce that has random giant hunks of meat so I obsessively mash the meats so they are consistently broken up.  Drain if needed once it’s browned, and then add the onions and let the onions cook with the meat on medium for about 10 minutes on medium.  Then add your sauce, I used this and it was perfect:

don't be a snob, this worked really well.

After you add it, you can let it simmer on low while you boil your noodles if you choose to use regular noodles.  The oven ready noodles work just fine, I just happened to get the regular ones this time.  While you are simmering, add salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and hot sauce to suit your taste.  Remember this is your lasagna.  I love a ton of hot sauce so I put a ton, but you may not want any.  But after a few minutes of simmering and tasting to make sure it’s just how you like it, it should be ready.

At this point you can mix all of your ricotta, half of your shredded Italian cheese, and half of your parmesan (taste the mixture and see if it needs some salt, mine did).  The other halves of the Italian and parmesan will go on the top of the lasagna.  I used an extra deep disposable lasagna pan and I’m glad I did since I don’t think my regular 9×13 could have handled it.  Spray the pan, and layer starting with a layer of meat sauce, cheese mixture, mozarella slices, then noodles and keep going until you have the last of the parmesan and Italian cheeses to layer on the very top.  Spray some foil and make a tent over the lasagna, bakee at 375 for 35 minutes and then remove the foil and bake another ten minutes uncovered.  Remove and try to let it sit for about 15 minutes before serving.  This wasn’t possible with my husband but I did manage to snap a pic before he dug in.

This makes great left overs and since it’s just the two of us I froze a big chunk of it for later.  So even though it has a few steps, it’s still easier than some of the more complicated recipes and it still tastes really good.