The roundtable discussion is about how you deal with rude or awkward questions in the adoption world. We are on the adoptive parent side and yes, we hear stupid questions. Normally, I try to answer a vague answer and change the subject. Often we only share our open adoption details with other people involved in adoption because they seem to understand. I’ll just say that the rule of thumb in asking questions is, if it seems the least bit personal, deals with why, who, or was there….then don’t ask it. I don’t ask why your ex left you, who your dad was cheating with, or was there any truth to the fact that you got pregnant in the back seat of a car on prom night.  Those are rude questions and I would hate for you to provoke me into asking them.

I think that people forget that real people are involved in adoption, with the children being the most important. The birth family has feelings as well and that family includes grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins along with the parents. I have never met a birth family who did NOT love and adore the child who was placed for adoption. Never once. They have suffered a loss and they grieve  that loss.

Speaking of loss, we are feeling it now. Boo’s grandfather is dying. We have had an open adoption with him pretty much from the start.  This is the thing that I hate telling people because it opens up so many questions from people. But now he is at the end and it really is painful. The call tonight was the one that says we probably have time for one more visit.

So, the roundtable question…..I wonder how I will handle questions about this. I hope well enough that people see that adoption can be open and hopefully, it benefits those involved.  Hopefully in a way that help Boo deal with this loss.  Hopefully, I won’t have scared anyone away who knows Boo from checking on her and asking how she is handling this, or giving advice.

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On the eve of his 22nd birthday, brother is ready to fly the coop. While it is good to see him making plans I’m thinking of my nest (secretly of course, in the back of my mind)

Enough about that. He’s twenty-two today. Is it odd that twenty-two was a spelling word this week? It was the only number listed. Yes, it is odd. Now for pictures of the birthday boy. He is strikingly handsome, so beware.

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I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost

This picture was taken when my daughter had a book signing for her story that was published in a Chicken Soup For The Soul book. She wrote about her dog and how helping him become a part of our family helped her heal and make our family stronger after being adopted from foster care. She read her story at a local library meeting, she spoke at a National Adoption Day event, and was even on the morning news segment with the dog. Live.

While it was exciting for her to have had a story published, it was more exciting to me to see the outpouring of love and support from our small town. They invaded Books-A-Million and she sold out of books within minutes. (they donated all profits made during the signing to the Rainbow Room for abused children)  People supported her in everything she did.

I am so proud of her. I look back at these pictures to choose one for this and I am one again blown away by the people in our lives. Her story touched many and the people here touched me.

Check out the other pictures with a book prop at IHeartFaces.

I could have went into Little Rock and probably found it at Whole Foods, but I didn’t feel like driving that far and I hate the smell of hippies, so I decided if I couldn’t find it close to my house I wasn’t going to use it.  So we went to Cracker Barrel because that little store in the front sells all sorts  of things, except of course sorghum.  Then we went to the Food Giant because it just seemed like a good idea.  I asked the guy stocking shelves if they sold it and he told me he had no idea what I was talking about.  Fair enough.  Then he said “oh do you mean ’saw-grum’?”  No, I mean SOR-GHUM but I’m desperate so sure that’s what I mean.  He redirected us to a catfish place that apparently sells random things like honey and “saw-grum”.  We went there and of course they were out.  So it was decided that we would go to Wal-Mart and just get whatever they had.  I ended up getting this stuff, which is a mix of cane syrup, molasses, and honey.  And it’s actually delicious.

it's called "the pride of Alabama" not kidding

Ok, now that I got my syrup story out of the way, on to #2.  This cake is not good after it’s first baked.  It just literally doesn’t taste like anything.  So after you bake it, set it on the counter to cool totally, then cover it and stick it in the fridge for at least 24 hours.  After it’s had time to sit, somehow the syrup seeps out of the cake and it becomes gooey and delicious.  I love warm cake but this is not one you can eat right out of the oven.  So here are the ingredients to this syrupy mystery:

• 1 cup of sugar
• 1 cup of sorghum syrup
• 2 cups of flour ( I used all purpose)
• 1 tsp. of baking soda
• 1/2 tsp of baking powder
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup of vegetable oil
• 1 cup of buttermilk
• 1/2 tsp of allspice (I used a whole teaspoon because I’m heavy handed like that)

Mix everything together and place it in a 13×9 baking dish that’s been coated in non-stick spray.

i just wanted to show off my bad ass mixer

Bake at 350 for 35-45 minutes.  Mine took exactly 45, but the original recipe says 35, so just use your judement.  Then like I said earlier, leave it alone for at least a day.  It should look about like this when done:

The next time I make this cake, I think I’m going to add cinnamon, and maybe some chopped pecans.  In case you’re wondering, no there is no frosting for it, because with the syrup that sort of oozes out you really don’t need any, but I could see this being good with some whipped cream or Cool Whip on top.

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I’m crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you’re going I’m going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There’s such a lot of world to see.
We’re after the same rainbow’s end–
waiting ’round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

I'm offended.

This is an old Junior League Cookbook. I'll have to look and see if Minny has a chocolate pie recipe in it.

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Very. Simple

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I have nothing to say about this. Make up your own caption.

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Nice.

I don't get it.

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In case you don't like MEAT.

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We have more. Lots more. I like to read Stephen King, but somedays a good cookbook can be just as entertaining.

I already work to try to help the local children in foster care. I work with a group that provides items for caseworkers to use in emergency situations where a child has nothing at the moment of removal. We stock diapers, clothes, ect. We do other things and also work to plan child abuse prevention activities in April.

Boo and a friend at last year's event.

When Boo gets a chance, she helps out at the local animal shelter. Her dream is to buy land and build a no kill shelter for the animals in our town. Sometimes she goes to the shelter and takes pictures of the pets who need a home.

I’m certainly not bragging about what we do because heaven knows we could do more. I would like to help with the domestic violence center because I see the children who live it daily. I would like to see an after school tutoring program in our area, one that could even be mission based such as our Beach Club meetings on Tuesdays. I would like to see more done for Alzheimers research and care.

If I had one to choose, I know it would be one that involved the safe and appropriate care of children. What would yours be?